How I Picked a Donor

When I was first reviewing the different sperm banks I did preview the donor which helped me decide. So I already had an idea about the donors, but I tried to keep the search for a bank separate from a search for a donor. That way I was not overwhelmed by choices.

When I began my search for a donor I narrowed down by two things, eye color and height. I have blue eyes and of my siblings they are the most blue. So it is one trait that I would like to pass on if I can. So I filtered out the darker eye colors. Eye color is controlled by several genes, so it's not as simple as the dominant and recessive square that was taught in school, however having a donor with light eyes should help.

As for height, I narrowed down to anyone taller than my dad. My dad is 5'10" so I narrowed to 5'11". Once I filtered for those two things I sorted by height. Then, I began reviewing the profiles.

I found a few donors I liked, but when I showed them to my cousin Megan, she noticed that they had a risk of some diseases. So I put them aside. I wasn't going to rule them out, but if I could find donors without a risk then I thought I should take it.

That's when I found the catalog for the donors. It's a PDF on the website, it shows a baby picture, and gives a grade of health to the donors. The catalog was for 2018, since it was December I decided to hold off until 2019 came out.

So in January I renewed my search filtering by height and eye color again. Except this time, I set the height to 5'10" and up. I didn't realize this at first, but by the time I did I found a donor I liked, and the catalog said he had an A genetic test. The information on his profile said that he wasn't at risk for any genetic diseases. So I added him to my list. (Donor 1)

I had a few more donors I liked, but the catalog and health screenings helped me narrow down to 3 donors. From there I accessed the additional documents for the donors. Some had more baby pictures, a recording of the interview, the written opinion of the interviewer, and a Keirsey test. The Keirsey Temperament Sorter is similar to Myers Briggs except that Myers Briggs simplifies the traits where is Keirsey's is more of a sliding scale.

I am pretty skeptical of both, right now the Big 5 personality test has better credibility. So I didn't let this influence me too much.  However, when I went to my consultation last year my doctor said that I should pick any physical traits that I wanted, but to look for opposite personality traits. He said that this would make for more well rounded, and healthier kids. He gave examples, if you are athletic then pick someone musical otherwise you might have a kid with ALS, or if you are book smart don't look for another smart person because then you might have a kid with autism. I'm also pretty skeptical about this statement, but since the genetic tests and family histories were clear, I did look at the Sorter results. I know I am an INTJ (Architect), and Donor 1 was ENFP (Champion), Donor 2 was INFP (Healer) and Donor 3 was ENFP (Champion). I don't remember my scale exactly, but I think the donors seemed at least someone dissimilar to me. So I was confident that I had my short list.

After listing to the interviews, and looking at the baby photos, I decided that I didn't liked Donor 3 as much as Donor 1 and Donor 2. The baby pictures for Donor 1 and Donor 2 just had my heart thumping, and I didn't love tone of voice for Donor 3. I learned a long time ago that your brain will conclude a lot about a person just by their voice. Maybe this is based on biases of the brain, but I thought I should go with my gut.

What do I like about Donor 1. He has a cute baby picture. He seemed a little unsure in the interview at first, but I think that is to be expected in the situation, and I felt like it was more genuine. Even though he sneaked in under my original height criteria he said his little brother is taller than him. He also seemed more creative than me. Finally, the donors get named by the banks. It's unclear if the names are genuine or not. I have a feeling some are and some are made up. The name of this donor popped out to me. Ever since I was a little kid and throughout my life I always felt like this name would be very important in my life. I have never wanted to use this name as a name for a child or pet and I haven't really known anyone with this name. Yet the feeling is there. I'm not sure where it comes from, maybe it is a bit of synesthesia.

What I like about Donor 2. His baby pictures made my heart flutter. I thought that's my baby. Then, the interview was great. He had a nice voice and clear answers. He seemed very comfortable and relaxed. I also loved his answer on why he wanted to become a donor. It seemed like he really wanted to help give people a family. I just felt very comfortable listening to him. He also seemed more creative than me. Also, he doesn't have corrective lenses or had corrective eye surgery, this is a plus because I had LASIK.

Overall I think had a better impression for Donor 2, but there was nothing I didn't like about Donor 1, plus there is the name factor. Like I said before I will wait until I have to make a decision and then I will go with my gut. I thought about purchasing vials from both donors, but that puts me off. I will just choose one at this point. Will I pick the champion or the healer? I'll let you know when I make the final decision.

This Baby Adventure

February 16, 2019 - Decision

It's been a while. Since the journey, I haven't taken any major trips. The only new place I traveled to was Charlotte, for a wedding. I really enjoyed the trip. However, I didn't journal it like I normally do.

In the last few years, I have started planning for a new adventure. That adventure is to be a mom. I always wanted to be a mom, but I haven't found a significant other.

When I turned thirty, I realized that I might only have another ten years where I could have children of my own. I have been no stranger to dating apps before, but never with the goal that I was looking for someone to settle down with. However, in the last few years, I have chatted with many people, met with some of those people, and dated a few, but everyone ended eventually. I was cautious about settling with someone in order to have children. I knew I needed to find someone that I was compatible with foremost.

On the Fourth of July weekend in 2017, I visited Grandma's Cabin with Aunt Karen, uncle, G'ma and cousins. It was a pretty quiet occasion because there were so few of use. During an evening HOSA  event Aunt Karen asked why I couldn't use IVF.

The thought of using IVF had not occurred to me before. I only knew one person who talked about IVF at a personal level. Her husband's vasectomy reversal had not worked and they discussed using IVF. However, they decided that it was too expensive. Believing the process to be expensive, I told my aunt that it was expensive so that's why I couldn't use it.

However, after that trip I began looking into IVF and other fertility treatments. I came to realize that IVF can be expensive, but if I didn't have fertility issues that it wasn't necessary to use IVF. Instead I could use IUI or ICI. ICI can be performed at home so the cost is greatly reduced.

Having this in mind, I began to plan. I would wait until I was 35 to see if I met someone.

Additionally, I started saving. As you might know, I review all of my financial accounts at least once a year, usually around tax season, just in case I need to re-balance. I spend a lot of time using spreadsheets to predict future value of money and I also plan out my financial goals. I realized one year, maybe 2016 or 2017 that in almost every scenario I would be able to retire by 65 without contributing another penny to retirement. In the other scenarios, I would only need to contribute $50 every month or wait to 67 to retire. In 2018, I realized that if I continued to save the same amount of money that I would reach financial independence and could retire at 55. After a decade of listening to financial gurus and a lifetime of learning finance advice from my father, I realized that all the saving I did in my teens and 20's had given me the ability to choose to be a mom on my own.

So, last year I started to contribute more money towards my Health Savings account and less money to my retirement account. I know that having a baby will be a large medical cost.

Additionally, in 2018 I went to a fertility center for a consult. I wanted to learn how many eggs I had and how long I would be fertile. The doctor was a nice older man, maybe in 50's. He explained all of the procedures and about each hormone that would be tested to determine fertile. After getting the blood work in, I met with the doctor again. He said that I would be fertile for 5-6 years and maybe up to 8 years. My FSH and LH levels were ok, but they inverted. He said that would be an easy fix when I was ready. He also said that waiting a year would be fine.

Now my original plan was to wait until I was 35, however I have had a few friends and family members around my age that have had troubled pregnancies. I also learned that if you are going to give birth after 35 then it is considered a geriatric pregnancy, at best that means you will be monitored more often and you will have more ultrasounds. It still concerns me however. Also, I would like to give myself the option of a second child in the future. So, now the aim is to have had the baby before I am 35. That will be before May of 2020. So I will need to be pregnant by July 2019 or August 2019.

So this year I have been preparing for that.

When I first did the research about IUI and IVF, I learned about the different cryobanks. I liked California Cryobank and Seattle Sperm Bank. The doctor I visited gave me a list of 6 banks that had the best success rates. Both of the ones I liked were on it, and I learned about a few more. I finally decided on Seattle Sperm Bank. I have also narrowed down the donors. There are two that I really like, but I haven't decided between those two. This is a common practice of mine. I narrow down to two options and once it is time to decide then I go with my gut, which is how I decided on Seattle Sperm Bank.

I already missed my ovulation for February, and I know the fertility center will need at least one cycle to get new blood work and results. So, I think the earliest I could start would be April, but if I need to do hormone treatments it might be May. Since May is my birthday month, that seems cute to me. The majority of people (who do not have fertility issue) will get pregnant within three cycles. So, if I start in May my third cycle will be in July, so that will be within my goal time-frame.

I am hoping to share my adventure in this blog for a while. However, I am not attempting to turn this into a mommy blog.