I have never stopped feeling a calling and longing to be a Mom, and putting it on pause for another year has been difficult. I think if I am unable to get pregnant because I waited that I won't be able to forgive myself. I am sure that isn't the case, but the chance of getting pregnant on my most fertile day between the ages of 27 to 34 is 40% and between 35 to 39 it is 30%. I know that the 10% difference doesn't change over one day or even one year, but it is more difficult to get pregnant.
It was also difficult because my sister had a baby in November last year, and my cousin is due in September. She has been trying to conceive (TTC) for years now, so I am happy that she was able too, but I also want to experience motherhood and pregnancy. So it makes me feel heavy too.
Changes since last year.
Some things that may help to make it easier, a friend from my work moved into one of my spare rooms at the end of last October. She and her two dogs are fun to have around, and I have been using the rent she pays me to make an extra mortgage payment every month! Since I pay 13 payments in a year, I am already ahead of schedule, but having an extra payment makes it even better. Having more cash flow in a few years will be great help.
Another helpful life event was that I changed employers. That is part of why I paused in my journey. I started getting interview just after my first IUI attempt and found a great employer in November. It is in Chandler where I grew up and closer to my parents and siblings. It also pays more and has great benefits. Since many company's usually don't pay for maternity leave if it hasn't been a full year, I thought I should hold off on the IUI process until after I found a new job.
For my own conscious, I wanted to make sure I didn't need to tell my company about my pregnancy until I have been there a year. I know it's not November yet, but I won't tell my work about a pregnancy until after the first trimester anyway. I have been working from home because of Covid-19 so that will help keep things under wraps.
This year:
I am a little concerned about Covid-19, but I am staying at home as much as possible, even ordering my groceries for pick up. I visit my parents, sister and niece once a week, but they are also social distancing and being safe.
So, anyway, this year I was supposed to be going to my cousin's wedding, and family reunion in August. I was going to wait until after returning to start IUI again. However, many people have been cancelling or sending regrets about going. Last week, my parents and siblings also cancelled. I would love to go, and I don't believe that I am at risk for a bad case of Covid, but there is a risk, also there is a risk that I could spread it to people at the wedding especially after flying.
Since we cancelled, I called the fertility center to get started. I scheduled a consultation for the 30th. My cycle started on the 16th, and my cycles last about 33/4 days so I would be ovulating around the 4th. Which would mean I would need to wait until the next cycle to start, or so I thought!
I have been consuming a lot of TTC and single mom by choice (SMBC) vlogs and blogs recently, and last week I was watching a lot of at-home insemination vlogs. So, I contacted the treatment facility Friday to see if I could pick up the sperm I have frozen with them to do a home insemination around August 4th.
...
They said it would be better if I come in and do the IUI because it can help prevent infection. Now, I'm sure I could have pushed them if I really wanted to so a home insemination, but what I really wanted is to not miss a cycle. So I am set up for an ultrasound on Tuesday. They will look at my ovaries to see how my follicles are and where I am in my cycle. They will also do new blood work.
Last time I believe I had to go in for another ultrasound, because the first one was too early in the cycle, so that might be the case again. I will also doing a trigger shot which triggers ovulation instead of timing it which I would have to do at home, or without a trigger shot. I have an ovulation kit, so I'm going to use it as well. I saw on a one vlog one lady ovulated before the shot and was able to get into her clinic to do the IUI. I'm sure that doesn't happen too often, but if it did then catching it would be great.
The Champion or A New Donor?
Alright, one last thing about this second IUI attempt, last time my fertility center said it was best to have to vials of sperm. I am thinking this is in case something happens with one and the sperm isn't good and then I'm not left ovulating without any sperm. Well, I went to check if the Champion had any more sperm and he doesn't. The bank may have more vials, but the bank restricts the number of donor families. Since I do have a vial that I could call them, but I kind of feel guilty since I don't have a child with that donor's sperm. It could also be that the donor is retired and there are no more vials from him.
So looked the runner-ups from last year too, but I didn't find them either. So, I'm reviewing the donors again. I haven't decided yet, but I narrowed it down to a few. I'm also trying to decide if I want to send the vial I have from the Champion back. If he is a retired donor and there are no vials left the one I have might be the one that a family needs! I think I would feel badly if that is the case. Perhaps I will call the bank on Monday to see.
